The disorder is called “borderline personality disorder” (BPD), and she was certain it was the explanation behind lots of the installments in my column. Niloo Dardashti, a psychologist and relationship expert in New York City, to figure out if there was any truth to what this reader was talking about. Dating someone with BPD comes with its own unique challenges —including, sometimes, an increased likelihood of being ghosted. Dardashti defines BPD as a “personality disorder characterized by people who experience emotions very intensely and often have trouble regulating their emotions and tolerating the stress.”People who suffer from BPD tend to see things as very black and white. The disorder is what she calls a “bio-psycho-social issue,” meaning that there are biological, psychological and social factors all playing into it On the social front of the “bio-psycho-social” issue, lots of people with BPD have a history of chronic invalidation from someone who was around them a lot.As a result, some people with BPD (There's a spectrum of severity when it comes to the disorder.) may be very sensitive to feeling invalidated. Dardashti, straight up, “Do you think it's fair to say there's a link between ghosting and BPD? Keep this in mind when they start feeling negatively. If they are in a relationship with you, it’s probably because they want to be with you. Just looking for similar experiences or insights into BPD in general. Borderlines do not know who they are and can spend a life time trying to find out.
I'm 27 and have had my fair share of romantic experiences and heartbreaks, but dating someone with BPD is like nothing else.” She says that the link isn't a leap by any means. “If they're perceiving the situation as invalidating, it can be hard to communicate with them and get through to them because, now, they've gone to that place of ‘you're all bad,'” Dr. Essentially, they feel as though you've done something to them, so they're done. But, as we all know, ghosting might happen when we didn't even realize that anything had gone wrong in the first place.Is it possible for someone with BPD to feel totally invalidated and, as a result, ghost you when you had no idea you even did anything wrong? Dardashti says, “That could happen too, where they just shut down completely.”It's also important to understand that people who suffer from BPD very often have an overwhelming fear of abandonment.If they ask you if you still like them, it’s because they honestly don’t know if you still do. If they get randomly angry in the middle of something that you don’t think needs that kind of response, it is usually because something has triggered them. If this doesn’t work and it seems to be going in a loop, refer to number three or continue to tell them how important they are to you. It doesn’t mean either of you are wrong to feel that way. It’s always good to know someone and work to avoid hurting them. Reasons Why Being with Someone Who Has BPD is NOT Bad1. Learn what triggers the person you’re with, so you can both work to prevent it. Because they feel intense emotions, they also feel love and happiness at large proportions. They do not want to hurt you, if they truly love you. Never call them too emotional, needy, dramatic, intense, etc. Their intense emotions are biological, in most cases. It is estimated that about 5% of the population suffers from BPD and about 70-80% are females.